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   At the dawn of time Humankind was at war with itself.  Brother fought brother, daughter fought mother, son fought father, father fought father, and mother fought mother; you get the idea... there was a lot of fighting.  Demise was imminent.  The situation was grim. 
      One day, Medicine Bear began an arduous journey to find the well-known, and supremely wise, Wise Eagle.  He overcame incredible challenges, literally walking through the valley of the shadow of death, but the journey was well-worth the effort.  Upon Medicine Bear's arrival, he and Wise Eagle sat in a staff meeting for hours.  They visualized, they manifested, they celebrated, and they reflected
     After much deliberation, they decided two homosuperiors would be created.  They stole a single fetus from two different, amazing, women and placed them in test tubes filled with pure awesome.  Eight months later, the world was changed forever when Patrick and Charlie were born into this world.   Brother no longer fought brother, father no longer fought father, daughter no longer fought daughter, and mother no longer fought mother.  For, Life once again had meaning How could one kill with such beautiful specimens walking the Earth?  The answer my friends... They could not.
     And so it was, the Two Asshole Wannabes were born, and the Earth once again found peace.  You're welcome.

With Love,
        Patrick and Charles
Our Creation Story:
Welcome To the Adventures of Two Asshole Wannabes
Our Core Values:
  • As you probably can tell, Charles and I are all about Peace and Love.
  • We don't believe in Idealism, because we are already the Ideal.
  • We believe in making fun of everything, from unmovitated Hippies to our own Mentors, we don't stop until they drop.
  • We are determined to destroy fake Survival Shows by creating our own series, aptly titled "The Adventures of Two Asshole Wannabes".
  • Furthermore, we despise people who have a superiority complex, except for ourselves, because they practice outdoor skills.  Especially backpackers who think they know what's up.
  • Thus, we believe in helping/teaching those who ask since, though both of us are lazy, we hold a lot of passion about what we do, because what we do is bad ass.
  • Don't get me wrong, though, we are incredibly judgemental and might tear you down until you cryyourself to sleep in the corner.
  • In summation, we breathe awesome, we crap amazing, we throw-up peace, and we want you to experience us
  • Without further ado, we bring to you.... Two Asshole Wannabes.
 Join                    Our              Quest!
Left: Patrick spreading Love to the World.

Right: Charles showing the World what the meaning of Peace is.